I'm super disappointed. Screw this.
Again, i'm not begging you all to read. So just keep your fucking comments to yourself. You all dont know how i fucking feel.
So SHUT THE FUCKING TRAP !
Tell me, how can i not be disappointed? Let me start from the start.
Seriously, i have been training really hard since Secondary one. Maybe during Sec one, i'm a little playful, dint really go to training on time. Because at the point of time, i din't know how important Netball is to me. I dint know how much i'm loving Netball back then. So that explains my attitude towards Netball. Always late. Then we have a coach coming in during November 2007. And we have like only 2 months to train then we have a important tournament to play? We have our very first Netball tournament, we played as a team, and i think back then, we are not really exprience. Yes, we have the very last school, we must win this school in order to get into 2nd round? And guess what's the school we lost to? Yes, it's Evergreen, we lost by 1 bloodly shot. And back then, the umpire was bias. I swear. Not helping our school. So you can fucking imagine how painful this game is to us? And it happen in like 10seconds and *pooof*, then shot in, and we lost by 1. We cried like young little girls back then, hugging everyone and cry every single shit out. You may think it's nothing. But when you read furthur, you will understand.
After this match against Evergreen, we, as a team, are determined to train really hard and prove coach wrong (Well, this is only mine, but i suppose the rest think this way too). We train really really hard. Seriously. Till when we are Secondary 3, we are already quite strong and believe that all of us are prepared. Well, this time round. Only 3-4 Sec3 manage to get in team? Well, i dint manage to get in, but it's alrights. The seniors was playing really great then. They have such a good chemistry playing together. But sadly, we get schools like Singapore Sports School and stuffs and they all really stuggle to get through this. But i'm really proud of them. Playing their very best and it's really AS A TEAM, it's through action, not words though. And i really envy them alot.
This year, i'm in the bloodly team. It's not a easy decision for the coach to chose though as we have around 25 players to chose and pick only 12. (Duh, this is what she says). We are all well-prepared. Seriously. We have confident to get into this fucking second round and create history in our school. And guess what? During this whole of 4 games, 16 quarters, my coach, only get me to play 2 quarters only. I dont know if she is doing this purposly or what so ever. You people can tell me and say that i'm in the wrong, scolding my coach like this. OH PUH-LEASEEE !!!
She is the one kay. I can bloodly tell you. Got a period of time, i was not able to play for a month because of poor academic. There are 2 juniors whom cannot play for a month too. And guess what my coach do? She let them played in the friendly match within 1 week or so. And she banned me totally for 1 bloodly month, not allowing me to play. Tell me, how can i not be disappointed at her? Nevermind. Again, now, she say that the criterial to chose the 12 players is 1st , Attendence. 2nd , I forgotten, but if i'm not wrong, Attitude. 3rd , skills. PUH-LEASE ! She's not even following these 3 criterial can. Tell me i'm in the wrong. I can easily say out at least 1 in the team kay. I'm not picking on anyone, i'm just stating the facts. She is totally bullshitting. I dont give it a damn how you all people read and started to say all those nasty things behind my back. Because you people dint fucking get the bloodly ass treatment i was treated. So SHUT UP ! You all know nothing. Don't assume that you all know me. You all know nothing. _|_
And today, coach disappoint me again. I'm gonna use someone as an example. And i'm sorry to treat you as an example, i seriously like you as a friend, but it's coach i'm angry about. Kay. Obviously, Coach kept shouting @ the girl, and i name her as A, keep scolding her of her passes and foot-work (?) and Eunice was sitting beside me telling me, Eh eh Michelle, be prepared. Next should be you. And i can fucking tell you all, i was really prepred already! Telling myself to show the very best in me. Giving all my best. But no, she continued putting A inside. Nevermind. The 2nd round, again, she kept shouting at A, telling her to run out more. Then again, i was quite confident that i might play in the 3rd quarter. Guess what? Yes, she bloodly din't make me play. Instead, all she do was looked past me, as if i din't exist. I swear, when she was scanning for players to play, we both met eyes to eyes and in the end. She put another girl to replace A. I was really sad by then. I cried even before they went in the court. I felt really bad. But i keep telling myself, no. I should trust coach, i trust coach that she will let me play at the last quarter. She will not be so mean afterall. But it's seems that my hopes clashed when she really dint let me play. I broke down. I knew that there might be a possibility that she really hates me. Or is it that i played really bad? I dont know? All i know, we lost to Evergreen, AGAIN. Captain Natasha was telling us how coach is disappointed with us, we dint put in our very best and stuffs and coach dont want to see us for a week or so. And i keep asking myself, should i reflect? Maybe i should, but on the other hand, there's nothing for me to reflect on. Because in the bloodly first place, i did not even step onces into the court. Then what i should i reflect on? Reflect on why coach dint let me play today? I dont know. Coach was disappointed at us. And i was like :
I'M ALSO DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU, COACH.
I dont know, yes. We are a team, it doesn't matter who go in or what-so-ever. But what's the point of me striving my very best to train and everything? I'm just a piece of shit out there to her. I'm really tired. I feel like giving up. I dont really feel like talking to anyone. But thanks to awesome friends like Abigail Zuiai, Maria, Eunice (for the encouragements today) , Xinhui and Jerene (for the encouragements today) to be there. And not to forget, my sweet boyfriend.
( And for Xinhui and Jerene, i dont have pictures of you ): )
I'm still in a dilemma , wondering to give up Netball anot. I'm already on the urgh to give up. I've tried my best, but in the end, my best turn to shit. I dont understand what's the problem. I'm really tired from this treatment. I really want to give up, but it seems so difficult. It's like, throwing my 3-4 years of efforts down the drain. I dont know what to do. You all feel disappointed at me for having the urgh to give up, but i think, it's because you all have not suffered what i've suffered along the way. I dont know. Talk behind my back. Whatever.
And to the seniors : Thanks for comforting me. Abigail told me what you all told her. Thanks. But ... It dint happen somehow. And Shuluan, thanks for your chocolate. I love you all (L)
